Country: United States
I've battled depression since I was 14, and the greatest aid to me was always knowing I wasn't alone. Depression is truly like being in a dark cave, and it's one you have to keep climbing out of, but love and compassion from others is that light that keeps you motivated.
As someone who is about to become a counselor and who has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, spreading awareness for mental health issues and working towards ending the stigma has been one of my goals and dreams. The struggle is real for those who suffer from depression and that is something that identify with. I recently began getting help with how I see myself and have begun implementing new coping skills that help me see beyond the thick clouds. It is my dream as a counselor to help those look through those clouds too.
Country: Germany
I've been suffering from depression since I was 14 and I still fight to get through every single day. Many people don't know what depression really is or how to interact with people who suffer. I want to help raise awareness and fight the stigma!
Country: Mexico
I am here to support those who are suffering just like me, I know the struggle and we don't have to be alone, I'd like to show'em that there's still hope and a second chance.
Country: United States
Being someone with depression, I understand what it's like. I joined to support others and to find support or someone to talk to when I need it.
Country: United States
I believe that we can all work together in fighting against our battles to stand back up on our feet, start a new chapter in life, breathe happy, and shall end depression to make our world a place for all of us.
Country: United States
We support Depression Army because Depression Army and Bursting Bubbles has the same focus that is to change the conversation about mental health and stop the stigma associated with mental Health.
Country: England
As a sufferer myself it's nice to be part of a movement that lets others know they are not alone. Together we are stronger!
Country: United States
I think it's time we stop allowing people to be constantly misinformed about depression and other mental health issues. People who suffer from depression already feel as if they are isolated, the last thing they need is further isolation. It's clear that the way depression has been dealt with for years is not the right way. The numbers have not decreased, but rather, skyrocketed. Something is clearly off, and I believe that the Depression Army has the power to change that.
Location: Japan
I support Depression Army because it is a great cause.
Country: Canada
I support the Depression Army because not only do I suffer from mental health problems, but I also have a passion for taking action and making a difference
Location: United States
Thank you for all that you do to end the stigma surrounding suicide and mental illness. I recently put together a video using my own story of loss to suicide and my personal journey to find peace. Feel free to share it with others if you feel led to.
Suicide Prevention & Awareness - My journey.
Peace and light,
Jess
Location: Canada
I have suffered and am still suffering from depression. My self-esteem keeps decreasing and negativity occupies my mind. I feel like no one should suffer the way I do, and thats why I would like to join this community. Many people think of depression as a weakness, and some people dont even aknowlegde the fact that depression is a mental illness. I am more than willing to take part in the movement of making people aware of depression.
Location: Romania
Depression doesn't define you!The fact that you go on and fight and wake up everyday trying does!I support Depression Army because nobody deserves to fight alone or to be left behind. All humans are important no matter what.
Location: Philippines
I will not let depression consume and kill me. Today i fight, today I live.
Country: Northern Ireland
I support Depression Army because I've been living with depression for so many years I don't care to remember, and I want to stand up and shout for those who feel that they can't.
And they have cool t-shirts.
Location: United States
I support Depression Army because the stigma against depression is not something sufferers should have to deal with. As a person with depression I have experienced discrimination and have come across a vast number of people who carry with them misconceptions. My goal is to help change people's perspectives about those who have depression and the illness itself as well as help those who suffer. We all deserve support.
Location: United States
The stigma against depression and other forms of mental illness is very important to me and should be addressed on a global level. Too often, people with mental illness are stereotyped and discriminated by ignorant people who don't understand what it means to be mentally ill. As a person who has suffered and continues to deal with mental illness, I hope for the day that we can get the proper treatment and support without being sigmatized.
Country: Canada
Because it takes an army to fight depression. It sucks fighting depression alone, especially when you don't have to.
I support Depression Army because I survived high school. #BattleTested
Location: United States
I have struggled with depression and anxiety my whole life, and I am also close with many others with mental illnesses. I would love to help the world to understand what so many fight through in their lives.
Country: United States
Where to begin! What a wonderful cause, to lock arms and bring awareness end the stigma surrounding depression, and mental illness. I've suffered with depression my whole life, as did both my parents, and siblings. I have worked hard to overcome it, with many therapies and self care. Depression is still a dragon I fight back every day. Anxiety and chronic pain as well. At 56, I'm just getting on top of it, and want to love others after coming out of one of the worst periods of darkness ever in 2013. I learned a ton, and am blessed to be alive. I lost my brother to suicide in 2014.
Location: United States
I support Depression Army because I know it's really hard for some people(including myself) to talk about their depression and to ask for help. Destigmatizing mental illness is the only way to make it easier, and that's why the work that Depression Army is doing is so important.
Country: United States
I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder when I was 11, and depression when I was 13. My family told me there was nothing really wrong with me, and all that meant was I was a sad, emotional, teenager. When I got to USF I realized that a lot of people went through the same thing I went through and am still going for and that it is a legitimate battle we have to fight everyday. I chose psychology as my major to try to understand my brain, and while it hasn't made the depression go away, it has helped me realize that this is in fact an illness. I try to encourage people in my life who also struggle with depression everyday, and I believe that the first step is realizing that yes it's a real thing and it's kind of scary, but it's also possible to fight it and you don't have to do that alone.
Location: United States
I've been battling depression and anxiety for most of my life. I need to be motivated to help me kick its ass. Please be that community of motivation
Location: United States
I support Depression Army because I know what its like to struggle with both anxiety and depression all on my own and not have anybody. Its a horrible feeling and I don't want anybody to feel like they are alone and have nobody to talk to.
Location: United States
I have gone through depression and I know how hard it is and I want to help anyone I can. Sometimes I still get depressed but I know how to handle it and not let it control my life. I really want to help as many people as I can.
Location: New Zealand
I have had depression for 30 years. Not only that but I have suffered the derision that accompanies the illness. It still affects me daily, but most days I win. Depression Army is a great way of bringing discussions about mental illness into the light.
Location: United States
Depression is a serious illness that shouldn't be taken lightly. It's not just feeling a little bit sad, it's much more than that and everyone needs to know that and how to help others with depression. I want to help people. I know how it feels and I don't want anyone else to feel like this.
Location: United States
I support the Depression Army because I suffer from depression and for the longest time I thought it wasn't ok to feel this way. I thought I was broken and there was no way to fix me. I thought I would never be accepted into society ever. But now, I know that my depression is just that I am not perfect. I am Unique! God made me strong enough to live this life so I will live it. I want other people to know that there depression does not make them weak. IT MAKES THEM UNIQUE!
Country: Philippines
I am a silent full pledge supporter of depressed ones, I wanna help them to climb from the dark. And I am currently, I guess, experiencing it right now, struggling to get over with it. And i wanna feel this moment with those who are currently depress and done with it.
Location: United States
I was diagnosed with clinical depression and an anxiety disorder 20 years ago and have struggled with it since. Through good times & bad, the most important thing was knowing I'm not alone. Now it's my mission to let others know they aren't alone either.
Location: United States
I want to be part of a community that is trying to help people and help get the word out about how this is a serious problem and NO we can't just get the F*&% over it! It's not possible. It's something in our brains that is doing this.
Location: England
I support depression army as I'm a fighter everyday. I stay strong, I hold my head up high and live life the best I can. I have a child who has saved me and I feel loved no matter what. That's why I'm a fighter for Depression Army.
Location: England
As an active blogger about mental health and wellbeing (you may know me as Dearest Someone,) I fully support Depression Army and it's mission for social action! My experience of mental illness has been greatly improved through interaction with others going through similar stuff - something which has been made capable through getting involved and supporting Depression Army!
Location: United States
When I was younger, I thought depression meant just being "sad" and it could easily be fixed. Now I know people who are truly depressed and it's way more than just sadness. There is a complexity to depression that many don't understand, I can't even admit to knowing all about it, but I know that one thing's for sure, talking about it helps.
Depression Army's idea of building a community where people can talk, relate, and learn is a very awesome thing; and bringing awareness to this issue that many people don't even notice, is an important stepping stone in society.
Country: United States
I am twenty years old. I graduated college with a 3.6 GPA. I began working immediately after my second year of college at the World's Most Famous Arena. I founded my own company and started a mental health movement at age 18.
I've also been admitted to a psychiatric hospital during my senior year of high school.
Growing up, I always knew that something was off inside of my mind. I was always alone and was constantly thinking about what could go wrong in the current situation. I never found a group of friends that I could fit in with and I even claimed to my mother that my backpack was my only friend.
As far back as I can remember, I've always thought I was the problem. I decided that I was better off unseen and continued to live my life hiding in the shadows.
Once I entered high school I realized that there were others like me. We listened to the same bands singing about death and gore and we all saw ourselves as different and alone. It was then that I started to embrace the fact that I suffered from depression.
As high school progressed, my depression worsened. I was trapped in an a mentally abusive relationship for over two years. In the course of those two years he tried to kill himself in front of me twice over Skype, knowing that there was nothing I could do but watch helplessly. He forced me to do things that I will never repeat and he destroyed any hope that I had inside of me.
Midway through that relationship I began to develop anorexia. I had lost control of my life, he made me feel like a puppet on a string. He stole the keys to my house and threatened to kill my family if I ever left him. He hacked into my computer and installed a program that logged every key stroke I typed and knew everything I was doing at all times. He even hacked into my webcam and watched me day in and day out. At the time I never understood how he knew so much about me, and it terrified me. I didn't know about the computer hacking until two years later which is when I received a restraining order against him.
As I began to drop lower and lower in weight, my classmates and teachers had to know that something was wrong, but no one reached out to me. It made me feel that I wasn't doing ‘a good enough job' at losing weight. It wasn't until my best friend at the time reached over and grabbed my skeleton-like arm, looked deep into my eyes, and asked "...What happened to you?" I could feel the fear and sadness in his voice and in the way he looked at me. His words brought hope into my life again.
I was hospitalized directly after midterms my senior year, I was 95 pounds. During the two weeks that I was hospitalized I met some of the most memorable people of my life. There were women over 50 years old, who still couldn't get a handle on their eating disorders which led to the end of many of their marriages, friendships, and support of their families.There were girls who hadn't even reached their teens who had so many demons inside their minds. They saw me as a role model while in the hospital, and for that, I had to be stronger than I ever wanted to be. I had to recover for them, I had to help myself in order to help them fight for their lives back.
During my hospitalization, I met both men and women who suffered from eating disorders. Seeing the lack of hope, seeing the pain, and hearing their heart-wrenching stories, only made me fight back stronger. I was going to defeat the demons in my mind, I was going to recover, and I was going to come back stronger than ever.
We face many challenges in life, but nothing could ever amount to the challenge of gaining back complete control of your mind.
Anorexia stole two and a half years of my life and it only seems fair that recovery had taken two years too. With the help of therapists, nutritionists, medication for my anxiety/depression, and most importantly the support of my family, I was able to live a "normal" life again.
The demons of my past still haunt me at times today, but thanks to the coping mechanisms I've learned over the past five years, I am able to push the demons away and they retreat back into the depths of my mind.
Currently in America, one in five adults are suffering from a mental illness. Approximately 16 million American adults are living with depression and 42 million are living with anxiety disorders.
Despite how large these numbers appear, we still feel alone and isolated. The stigma attached to mental illness is so powerful that many of us don't seek help. In fact, only 60 percent of Americans with mental illness have gotten the help they needed this past year.
In order to end the stigma, we need to speak out. Sharing our stories with the world is the most powerful way to show that we are not alone.
One voice. One story. Sometimes that's all it takes to help save a life. Your words will open the door for someone else to contribute and from there the possibilities are infinite. Each individual experience will be united and together we can end the stigma.
Location: United Kingdom
I was diagnosed with depression 7 years ago. I was given medication to help, but in my case it made it worse. So bad in fact I ended up in hospital and have memory loss from that time.
I have managed to get myself balanced mostly through exercise and diet. I have run several marathons (including 2 in 7 days) to raise money help those who are suffering with metal illness and are much worse off than I am. I still have very low moods but find running or a tough gym session help me. I am a firm believer that medication is not always the answer.
Location: United States
I support the depression army because I am diagnosed bipolar and know very well the highs and lows. Depression is more than being sad. It's feeling helpless and hopeless. It's feeling as if every breath you take is dirty air. It's having little to no motivation to do daily tasks. Depression is such a loose term now and it shouldn't be. Depression should not be romanticized. We need to spread the word on depression and help fight it.
Location: Pakistan
I support Depression Army because I want people to come together and break through the stigma surrounding mental health issues. I want to spread more awareness about mental health. I want the world to know that the fight of people dealing with depression and related issues is as much important as those of fighting physical illnesses. The more we talk about it, the more we will make victims of mental health issues at ease with talking about their problems and seek help.
As personally being a victim of depression, I have just begun my own initiative known as UNITED AGAINST DEPRESSION. It is inspired by Jared Padalecki's ALWAYS KEEP FIGHTING campaign. It is a platform for people suffering from depression to come together and share their stories of how they fight it daily and their road to recovery.
You can learn more about UNITED AGAINST DEPRESSION at https://www.facebook.com/UnitedagainstDepression
Location: United States
Me and others close to me suffer from depression. I do not feel as though depression is taken seriously enough or understood enough. I am apart of the Depression Army because I believe that with enough willpower will come change and understanding to those who are not taken seriously enough with mental health problems.
Location: United States
As a depression survivor, I know the struggle. I want to be part of the solution.
Location: United States
Depression and mental health in general are so ubiquitous and prevalent in people's lives, and they have been for as long as humans have been around. Even though its presence is huge, it is still one of the most stigmatized and taboo topics in today's society. Depression Army stands for normalizing mental illness, it stands for unifying everybody fighting their own demons, it gives me hope for a better and happier future. I support Depression Army because Depression Army supports me.
Location: United States
I support Depression Army because I'm now 23, I've been fighting with depression, anxiety and other issues since is was 12 and although days get better sometimes I still find myself crying into my baby blanket other nights. I can't leave home sometimes and I wish depression was supported better so I didn't have to fear failing classes or losing my job because I just can't get out of bed or do anything productive that day.
Location: Austria
Nobody's worried about talking about your broken leg or arm, or about cancer, heart attacks. But mental health is something people are afraid of raising. We need to break that down by talking openly, honestly, and publicly, about it.
At the age of 42, I found out that I suffered from depression, and that it was caused by a long-term lack of serotonin. I support the Depression Army in the hope that others will not need to wait 25 years for a doctor who notices the obvious, will not need to wait 25 years to do straightforward blood tests instead of prescribing random medication, will not need to wait 25 years before somebody else says "hey I know about this and here's how you can get help."
Country: Czech Republic
I support Depression Army because no one should be alone in this!
Location: United States
I support those affected by depression because over the years of my life i have changed incessantly but one constant has always been my depression.
Location: United Kingdom
I support Depression Army as my life has been affected by mental health issues in many ways over the years. I have lived with depression and anxiety all my life and have recently also been diagnosed with the chronic pain/neurological condition Fibromyalgia which has added to the frequency with which I suffer depressive episodes. Both conditions are misunderstood and I want to add my voice to those trying to reduce the stigma attached to mental health problems. I also want to give my support to creative therapies as one way of helping to deal with symptoms as I have found these of immense help myself.
Location: Canada
The Depression army is very near and dear to my heart. Like so many others I've struggled with anxiety and depression. You might not know it to see me in person, I come off as a really confident, self assure person, but more than anything else, I have so many close friends that know the struggles of depression.
It's a very under-discussed topic , and I've done my best to not just make it a social issue in my community, but also discussed more by community leaders and politicians. Mental Health is so very under-represented, and is a critical issue when it comes to healthcare. It needs more voices not just from us (though especially from us, that know the sting of it.) but from leaders willing to make it more of an issue.
Location: England
I'm currently recovering from a severe episode of depression and during that time I became truly aware of the stigma surrounding mental health. Society in general doesn't understand depression can affect someone and it's human nature to fear that which we don't understand. By being open and honest about mental health, Depression Army, encourages people not to be ashamed and not to feel alone whilst educating those who haven't had to deal with this illness to understand more about what it takes to fight it.
Location: Germany
I support the Depression Army because gives every one struggeling with mental issues be it depression or anxiety or something else entirely a safe place to reach out to. It gives us people we can relate to. It lets us feel that we are not alone, that we matter and that we are OK just the way we are. Furthermore it opens doors and reaches out to destigmatize mental illness and helps us to be understood out there in the world, where its not always easy to relate to us.
The Depression Army is our coat of armour and motivates many of us to keep going, to move forward.
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We join hands across borders, race, religion, ethnicity to always keep fighting. Dont ever give up and if you need help dont be afraid to reach out, because YOU matter.
Country: United States
I support the Depression Army because I am a fighter myself. After attempting suicide followed by a year full of hospital stays, I have learn so much about myself that I want others to know so that we as an army can relate. There is also a need of awareness that society needs to have because depression is real and it takes lives. Keep living, xoxo
Country: United States
I can't work due to Depression and I would really like to be a part of a community that's making a difference.
Location: Indonesia
I suffered this illness for 3 years. Now, I am healed by my own hand and support from people who care about me and my life. I want to help others like how others have helped me to fight this illness, I want to see the new lights in people's eyes who have been in the darkside because I have felt that way before. I can still remember how those lights had gone and my vision were blurry for 3 years. That's why I want to support Depression Army.
Country: United States
I believe mental health professionals must be directly involved in the fight against mental health stigma. Depression specifically is stigmatized, many times the blame falling on the individual for allowing the mental illness to take over their lives and not wanting to be happy. I consider myself to be resilient, however, I myself have experienced bouts of depression, thus I know first hand depression can affect any individual from any background. I want to work together with your team to destigmatize depression.
Location: Scotland
I support the Depression Army because unfortunetly I've had friends and family come close to commiting suicide because of depression. It's a horrible mental illness which needs more attention and support. People need to realise that things can get better when they talk about their problems, when they get help and when they see how good their life can be. My goals in life are to make people smile, laugh, feel loved and included. I will fight until the end to help raise awareness and help whoever I can!
Location: United States
I support Depression Army because I believe in its mission to create an environment of mutual support. I am lucky enough to have had such incredibly supportive friends and family by my side thoughout all my ups and downs so far but not everyone has the same support from loved ones as I do. I believe that nobody should walk through the darkness alone. Those who struggle with their mental health need to know that they're not alone and that someone, be him or her a loved one or a fellow member of the Depression Army, cares about their well being. Let's tackle our problems one step at a time, one day at a time, and spread as much love as we possibly can each and every day.
Country: United States
I support Depression Army because I've been depressed since I was a teenager.
Location: Canada
I have suffered from depression since childhood - long before there was a name or a diagnosis. Now, more than 40 years later, I only wish I had known then what I know now - that I'm not alone, that I'm not a failure, that I don't have to be in so much pain, that there is hope and that life is beautiful. If I can help one other person, then that will be enough.
Location: United States
I've suffered through depression for most of my life without even knowing. I didn't even know what depression even was I thought that everyone felt the way I did, I thought it was normal. I didn't find out until my school had a suicide and depression awareness week just before I had an appointment with a psychologist regarding my ADHD. After talking with her she confirmed it, and a couple weeks later I was prescribed an antidepressant. I don't want anyone else to go through life not knowing what depression is or if they have it or not.
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Location: United States
Everybody is fighting a battle inside. Not everyone has the ability to do it in there own. This doesn't make you weak! I have lost a lot of very important people in my life before I admitted to myself that I couldn't do it alone. Never do anything stupid because there is always something worth smiling for. These girls remind me everyday that I am worth it. Their hugs and smiles keep me going!
If I can do it, you can too!
Location: United States
I support Depression Army because every single one of us needs to understand that depression IS a mental illness that we who suffer from it cannot control. We cannot simply "get over it" the way most people tell us to. I support Depression Army because seemingly innocent comments like "get over it" can belittle someone's experiences and eventually lead to suicide. I support Depression Army because I believe we all deserve a chance to live our lives free from dirty secrets we hide from even those closest to us for fear we'll be judged, made fun of, or rejected. I support Depression Army because I've lived with depression my whole life and although we've all had different encounters with depression, we're all still here, STILL FIGHTING and that has to be for something. We're fighting for a change and by supporting this movement, we're moving mountains together.
Location: Germany
For more than 20 years I have struggled in silence against depression.
Too many years it was a stigma; now finally the game of "hide and seek" comes to an end.
We can stand together, our hands can reach out for each other.
Demons only have power as long as they remain in the dark.
When we put more and more light on them, they maybe will lose their impact.
Depressionarmy can be a sky full of lights above us, to find each other and to illuminate our pathes through dark worlds.
Location: United Kingdom
I'm a diagnosed depressive trying to be open and honest about it. Not easy because I'm a publican and my life is lived in front of an audience.
Location: United States
I support Depression Army because I suffer from Anxiety, Depression and PTSD. A little over 3 years ago I tried to commit suicide. Every since then I have been working hard to try and get better and it helps to have other people to help me not feel alone. I draw alot to help myself feel calm.
Here is a link to my art: http://www.paintingsilove.com/artist/kcwarthog
Location: United States
Besides myself, I have family and friends that struggle with depression. No one should feel like they are alone in this battle against depression and against the stigma of depression and mental illness. Everyone has some that can back them up. I strongly hold to the quote by Jared Padalecki to "Always Keep Fighting".
Location: United States
The Morning of December 22, 2014: this was a day of chaos, clarity & and answer to what seemed like an impossible riddle. I woke up that morning like any other; looking in the mirror with smeared mascara under my eyes, walking down the stairs I've known for 15 years, answer my moms questions with a smart-ass rhetoric. Thats my morning. But this morning was different as I had been recovering from a Tonsillectomy & Adenoidectomy. I woke up and completely lost all strength and self imploded. I felt hopeless, fatigued, empty & lost.
The Afternoon of December 22, 2014: After my temporary overwhelming, I got dressed & was procrastinating my therapy appointment. On my way out the door, I got what seemed like an life ending email. I had been academically suspended & could not return for the spring semester. I was over-whelmed. How would my mom react? What will I do? Am I a failure? What is wrong with me? These were all questions that flooded my mind, but in complete honesty these questions had lingered in my mind before. But through all this chaos, I had one outlet… my afternoon therapy session.
So therapy, folks: The session was emotional to say the least, but also a moment of clarity and surprising news. I was not prepared for the answer my therapist was about to give me. The answer? I was Clinically Depressed with an Adjustment to Change Disorder which was accompanied by my General Anxiety Disorder (which i got diagnosed with when I was 15). No not tumblr depressed, not Hollywood movie depressed & not standing outside in the rain depressed. I was depressed, in my own way & in my own form. This diagnosis completed shocked me but also seemed expected. I had been isolating myself for years, loosing more & more interest in activities, & my GPA dropping lower & lower as my academics furthered. This fog that had surrounded me for so long seemed to just clear away but only for a moment. As I was soon to learn that the diagnosis is the easiest part, living WITH clinical depression is much harder. Each day is a battle and everyday I choose to wake up is another battle conquered.
Location: United States
I support Depression Army because I believe in the integration of mental wellness into society. I think it is absolutely ridiculous that depression and other mental disorders have been pushed aside for as long as they have when they are such predominant issues around the globe with underlying statistics to prove it.
I believe that mental well being is such a determining factor in the quality of our lives as humans and to ignore it as a priority would be a flaw in the character of humanity. It's time that people who are suffering from depression or anxiety stop believing that they are different, when in fact mental dispositions are so common.
Depression Army is all about separating the disorder from the individual. Just as cancer does not define someone, neither does depression and I'm glad to be a part of a movement where awareness about this is brought to the surface to both individuals suffering from mental disorders and to the society we live in.
This organization is beautiful because it calls for a community of people to bring the truth of depression out of the dark in order to really start tackling it as an issue, something that needs to be done and has needed to be done for a long time.
Chapter 1 - Life is good
Chapter 2 - Life is complicated but still good
Chapter 3 - Depression strikes - life is hard
Chapter 4 - Treatment
Chapter 5 - Feel better, stop treatment
Chapter 6 - Life is complicated, depression lurking
Chapter 7 - Depression tsunami - life is meaningless
Chapter 8 - Checking totally out of life - why live?
Chapter 9 - Finding those who truly love you
Chapter 10 - Facing the challenge of choosing to live again - letting life back in
Chapter 11 - Thanking depression for showing you the truth about life
Chapter 12 - Knowing I am stronger than depression
Location: United States
When I was just a kid, I had big dreams of becoming a writer. It seemed like it was going to be pretty easy. People were often telling me that I was talented. I never had any idea how difficult this dream of mine would be to achieve. In 9th grade, I took a journalism course that made me decide to steer clear of that field. I've never been a get in your face and ask the hard questions, person. I'm more of a stay in the shadows hoping for an idea to strike kind of gal.
I continued to do very well in creative writing courses, and I maintained a steady stream of ideas for the poetry I wrote. Heading into my senior year of high school, I noticed that for no apparent reason, I was often feeling incredibly sad. Then, as quickly as the sadness hit I would feel extremely hyper, always laughing and talking. I also spent many mornings trying to tell my mom that I didn't feel well so I couldn't go to school. I often experienced these horrible bouts of extreme nervousness, which I now know to be anxiety attacks.
After high school, I was able to write poems sporadically. It seemed like the urge only came when I was experiencing pain or heartache. Writing helped me deal with those emotions. I needed all the help I could get because I was quickly falling into a deep, deep depression. I moved into an apartment with a roommate I met through a rental service. I was working seven days a week at two different jobs, and attempting to go to school when I could. I was rarely able to sleep at night, so I would take a handful of Excedrin or Tylenol PM to sleep, and then a handful of No-Doz to stay awake.
I began to notice these strange feelings hitting me when I was at my day job. I would start to panic, cry, breathe heavy, get dizzy, sweaty, and I felt like the walls were closing in on me.
Any writing I might have done was put on the back burner as I tried to find out what the hell was wrong with me. Finally, alone in my apartment one night, I experienced what could only be called a nervous breakdown. My cat at the time, Fred was staying with my parents while I trained the puppy I received from an ex-boyfriend. I went into my walk-in closet crying out for my cat. I closed the door and buried myself under blankets in the corner and just sobbed.
After a couple hours, my roommate came home. She insisted that I call my family and I did. My mom sent my brother to pick me and my dog up. I never spent another night in that apartment. My parents realized that I needed treatment. I started seeing a psychiatrist at 19 and have been on medication ever since. The writing that was once a big part of my life just stopped. My mind was always racing. If I got an idea for a poem, by the time I got up to write it down, it was gone.
I made my way through a series of jobs in my 20's. I was often promoted to management and was pretty well respected. Until the migraines that I had been getting since the age of 12 started to take a serious toll on me. I lost quite a few jobs because I was getting them so often, I had to call into work. The older I got, the worse the depression got. Thankfully, my parents were there to help pick me up, but even they didn't understand the impact this disease would eventually have on me.
In my late 20's I started cutting myself. I found out about it entirely by accident. There was a guy that I was crazy about. We were the best of friends, but he took advantage of how I felt about him. He stayed with his fiancé, but if she went out of town or wasn't around for whatever reason, he called me. We very nearly consummated our relationship one weekend that I stayed with him. He rejected me because he was feeling guilty about cheating on his fiancé, in the apartment they shared. He had told me they were broken up. I went home, and I decided that I wanted to end my life. Not just because of this jerk, but because the symptoms of depression were starting to weigh on me again. I started cutting my wrist, but the blade wasn't sharp enough. So, I kept doing it. I had made probably 10-15 cuts before I realized that I was feeling a sense of relief.
I was a mess, but as odd as it was this was helping. I had no idea that there were other people out there that also did such a thing. I felt very isolated. It seemed like I was losing my mind.
As crazy as it was, I continued to cut myself whenever things got too bad. It was especially bad if I was feeling down on myself because of my weight. My weight fluctuated constantly. I was a pudgy kid and was picked on a lot in middle school. High school was somewhat better, but by then I was starving myself and abusing laxatives. I kept up that behavior into my 30's. I will never fully know the damage I did to my body. There were times when I would cut myself on my stomach repeatedly because I hated how it looked. It was a scary, scary time for me.
In 1997, I started spending a lot of time on the internet. I would talk to guys all the time, and even met a few of them. This was back when it wasn't quite as scary as it is now. I had several email pen pals through AOL. I started talking to this one guy exclusively. I lived in Michigan, and he was in New Mexico, but it seemed like we connected. He started flying out to see me at least one weekend a month. In 1998, he asked me to marry him, and I said yes. Unfortunately, that would also be the year of my first psychiatric hospitalization. He called me every night when I was in the hospital, and I thought he was going to be supportive. For some reason still unclear to me, he decided to stop talking to me. When I got out and tried to call him, he had changed his phone number, his pager number, and his email address. The one time I got through to him at work, he hung up on me. We were so far into the planning of the wedding that I had cases of napkins with our names on them. We put down deposits that my parents never got back. To this day, I still don't know why he did what he did.
After that, I found myself in a series of abusive, failed relationships. In 1999, I had surgery, and it took me a year to recover. I didn't have a lot that I could do except talk to people on the internet. Eventually, I met my soon to be husband. It took some time for us to to connect. We took some time apart, but found each other again in 2001 and were married in August of that year. It was the best day of my life. I'll forever be grateful for the undying love and support he gives me, even to this day.
Between major depressive episodes, self-injury, and migraines I was a mess. I tried to work several different jobs and worked my ass off. I just ended up missing too many days. In 2005, I was approved for disability. That was a huge weight off of our shoulders. In 2006, we moved into our first home. We were five minutes from my parents. We were feeling pretty good about ourselves, even if we were experiencing some financial difficulties here and there.
In 2007, everything came crashing down around me when my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. It was September, and I promised her that I would be by her side for everything, and I was. Eventually she needed around the clock care, and I cared for her as best as I could every single day. My dad picked up the slack when I wasn't there. In January of 2008, I rode with her in an ambulance to the hospital. She was no longer able to eat, and I was terrified. She was admitted on a Thursday, and she died that Saturday night at exactly 7:00. I have never been able to overcome my grief at the loss of my mother. She was my best friend. We had become much closer since I moved out, and I was devastated.
In the months that followed her death, I tried to get my mind off of the situation by attempting a part time job. I tried a few customer service positions, but I quickly remembered why I hated retail jobs. I did manage to find a job at a bookstore that I loved. I was promoted to management, but shortly after that we were told the store was closing. In October of 2010, I was admitted to the hospital for a myriad of issues. My husband and I realized that it was ridiculous for me to keep trying to work. It was just too much for me.
On March 23, 2011, I was supposed to be celebrating my birthday. My husband was off work and was running errands. The phone rang, and it was my dad. He told me something that made my knees buckle. My brother, Dana was dead. I couldn't understand how or why. My dad is very soft spoken and doesn't talk a lot. He told me that my brother had been found brain dead in a hot tub. He was a lifelong alcoholic, but I had no idea that he had begun doing cocaine as well.
I never got to see him, and I was never able to say goodbye. My dad had him cremated, and that was it. I still beat myself up over the fact that I hadn't spoken to him in months. None of us even knew the person he had been with that night. It haunts me every single day.
In 2013, I was doing anything and everything I could to exist as a normal person. I was doing some pet sitting in my house, and attempting to sell candle products for a direct sale company. It turned out to be an even bigger nightmare than working in a department store. In late June, I was starting to crack, and I knew it. I wasn't processing my grief, and I was working day and night to try to be a success in sales, and I was for a while. I had to recruit team members, and we were all fairly close, but I got into an argument with a couple of them over Facebook. I don't even remember why. After everything I had done for these women, one of them told the company that I was mean or some such nonsense. The company started calling me and threatening me. I finally told them to go to hell.
It felt like just another failure. I had made all of this progress, and then let it turn to crap before my eyes. That coupled with everything else going on, I just snapped. I spoke to my husband at some point during that day, and he knew from experience things were not good. I still had some razor blades hidden in the basement, and I made my way down there to get them. I remember feeling like it was an out of body experience. Like I was watching someone else do it. I never thought to myself, I want to die. I just wanted the pain to stop. I called out to my mom for hours. Asking her why she left me. I wanted to be with her, and I wanted to punish myself. If I died…well, I guess that was fine.
A while later, I woke up on the floor of our home office. I think I cried myself to sleep. There was a lot of blood, and I knew it wasn't good. Suddenly, the doorbell rang. It took me a minute to figure out what was going on. It rang again and again, and finally I got up and yelled "who is it" through the door. My husband had called my dad and sister over to babysit until he got home from work. It was very awkward. Nobody knew what to say. I excused myself to go get some aspirin. In my room, I stared at my pill bottles. I knew I had one that we just picked up that was full. I swallowed the whole damn thing. I made my way back downstairs and sat there staring blankly until my husband got home.
He told me that we were going to the ER whether I liked it or not. We had been married for twelve years at that point, and he was well aware of my feelings about hospitals. I knew it would be horrible, but I had no clue just how bad it would be. When they brought me in the exam room, and the doctor came to talk to me, I admitted to him that I took the bottle of pills as well.
My husband was shocked and scared. I read it all over his face. So, I spent the next five days on suicide watch. Near the end of my stay, they came and told me that the state was having me committed. I was completely devastated. I couldn't be driven there by my husband. I had to be restrained on a stretcher and driven across town in the back of an ambulance that couldn't have been less than 100 degrees. I cried the entire way there.
When we arrived, they stopped us before we entered the psychiatric ward because my husband was not allowed in. We said goodbye, not knowing how long the nightmare was going to last.
It was a God-forsaken place. Filled with drug addicts, criminals, people that could only be considered clinically insane. There were people that smeared feces on other people's doorknobs. One woman was so far gone that if the staff tried to touch her, she stood in the center of the hallway and screamed for over an hour. She clearly hadn't bathed in weeks. As soon as I got there, there was a tremendous commotion. One woman touched another woman, and they started fighting. The instigator wouldn't calm down, so they gave her "the shot". Then they put her in the corner of an empty room to drool until it wore off. They strip-searched me. Bend over and cough, etc. I hadn't had a shower at the other hospital because they didn't think they could trust me to do it alone, so I was even more humiliated.
I was in that hellhole for four days. I got smart, and I played the game. I was a model patient. I even helped that screaming lady finally get something to eat. I helped a blind girl walk back and forth to her room. The employees hated their jobs. They would swear at you, ignore you, and talk badly about other patients in front of you. Lucky for me, I was one of the "favorites". Even the cleaning staff would swear at you if they felt your room was nasty. I cleaned mine every day and never left a towel on the floor. At the end of the stay, when I was walking outside with my husband, I felt like a prisoner that had been in jail for 20 years. I had some serious feelings of panic and anxiety thinking about trying to get back to my old life.
Before long, I started to get the urge to write again. It started out slowly. Once I felt I was getting the hang of it, I began writing a blog. I was determined to let people know that they did not have to follow my path. I knew it would be hard. The most difficult thing I had ever done. I was going to be real. I wasn't out to impress anyone; I just needed a voice again. I would use it as a type of therapy. In the process, I hoped to reach people that felt all alone in their struggles. Slowly but surely, people started contacting me.
They were thanking me for my honesty. So many people said they were afraid to get help or didn't know how to talk to their loved ones. Some said they finally understood what their spouse was going through. It was unbelievable. The more I wrote, the more people contacted me. Was I doing it? Was I finally becoming the writer I had always wanted to be? It seemed so simple! I just told the truth, and people kept reading. It all made me wonder, could this become a book? Do people do that? I did the research, and it was possible. So, I kept writing and doing research. I happened upon a couple of different publishers that were just horrible people. By the end of 2014, I was a mess. I was so discouraged because these so-called publishers had lied to me in any way conceivable.
For my sanity, I took some time off from the whole process. In June of 2015, I got back on the horse. I wasn't going to let this dream fall by the wayside. I had to keep pushing. In July, I signed with a real publisher that appreciates my work and never lies to me! Here it is August 21, 2015, and my book was officially published today. I'm not sure that it has even sunk in yet. I'm an author! How weird that sounds. It was worth it. Every time I was rejected, every time I felt discouraged, and every time I threw in the towel only strengthened my resolve. I did it. Despite every obstacle that has come across my path, I have done it.
It brings tears to my eyes thinking about all of the battles that I had to fight to get to this point. I am so very grateful. Now it's on to a new chapter. I'll keep writing my blog and who knows? Maybe someday another book. For the moment, I plan on basking in the glory of finally accomplishing the dream I have so desperately wanted. Am I completely cured of my depression? No, I don't think that's possible for me. I have, however, recovered from one of the most horrible, heartbreaking ordeals I have ever endured. I may have lost some friends and family members along the way, but now I know who I can truly count on. Number one on the list? Me.
Location: Iran
The reason I support Depression Army is simple, because I suffer with depression.
Location: United States
For as long as I can remember I've always had issues with severe anxiety and depression...a few years ago I learned that my depression is part of bipolar disorder. I struggle day to day to maintain and keep an upbeat attitude about it. Some days are easier than others. As well as being a victim of this silent battle myself, I work in the hospital overnight helping behavioral health, suicidal and older confused patients. I take a great deal in helping others thru a journey that I myself have insight on as well as learning more about the illnesses myself.
Location: United States
Statistics say the average age of people diagnosed with depression is 32 years old, but I've met people from middle school through college who are depressed or have struggled with depression in the past. As I grow older, these people--friends, peers, adults--seem younger and have so much ahead of them but they often can't see past the day or even the next hour.
Depression is its own disorder, but besides resulting from social strain, it also often co-occurs with many other illnesses. Depression's prevalence in society makes the silence surrounding it ridiculous at least, and damaging at worst. The CDC found that 1 in 10 Americans take anti-depressants--aged 12 and over. While anti-depressants undoubtedly help alleviate depressive symptoms, extended use presents its own dangers and don't necessarily fix the problem at its source.
The increasing number of medicated adolescents is a problem. The prevalence yet stigma of depression in our society is a problem. I believe that like any problem, the only way to fix it is to talk about it which is why I support Depression Army.
I'm 43 and have suffered from mental illness since I was at least 11 years old. At the age of 16 I tried to kill myself but thankfully was thwarted. The years since have had a lot of downs and more recently things are looking up. I support advocacy for depression and suicide prevention because of my personal experience but also be cause my best friend's daughter killed herself in 2006. She was 16, half-sister to my son and the daughter of my heart. For the last 3 years I have walking the AFSP Out of the Darkness 17 mile walk in her memory. My son also suffers from depression and is currently trying to find the right treatment for him. So many people suffer from this invisible disease and the stigma that goes with it. We need to be doing the most we can to change that.
Location: England
I suffer badly with depression but I love helping others who are going through it. Making people smile and helping is what I love doing :)
I support this because I was alone and felt alone for almost 5 years. I am not explaining why but I self harmed myself for awhile I am recovering which is great. I would not eat off and on but slowly recovering from this I decided every person that was every sad or felt alone to make sure they knew that they could talk to me or know people do care. No should get to the point where they want to kill themselves. I always pretended to be happy so no one knew how sad I was. I am trying to help people that are sad, I would like to help everyone I possibly can. I always wanted to start something like this but never had the time, so this page deserves a lot of respect.
Location: United Kingdom
I experienced depression for many years without knowing what it was and therefore had no way of fighting it. I called myself lazy when i couldn't drag myself out of bed, moody when i was down in the depths and normal when i was flying high; anything other than depressed.
My life slowly came apart over the years as i was increasingly unable to cope and even when i contemplated bringing it to an end i was still unable to fully accept that i was ill; "it is just a phase it'll be fine" i told myself, just give it time... what finally got me to therapy, despite several of my friends suggesting it previously was not depression as i understood it, but rage at myself and ultimately at others...
I learned many things from therapy that have improved my life enormously but the two most important things i took from it were the knowledge of what i am suffering from: Anxiety and Depression and that i was not actually alone despite what i was thinking. It is so important that depression is talked about, that people are more widely educated and that those of us who experience it in whatever way realize we are not alone. That is why i support Depression Army!
Location: United States
I've been going through severe depression for 7 years now. I've gone through suicidal thoughts, self harm, and way too many other things that my 9 year old through 16 year old self should not have had to go through. I support the depression army because I know what its like to go through hell.
Location: United States
I support Depression Army because I struggle with depression on a daily basis and I have no support system.
Location: United States
We are all warriors fighting for a better tomorrow. I support Depression Army, because not a single one of us should ever feel alone, though we often do. Hope is the greatest gift one can have. Together we can create a network of hope and support for those days when we feel we've run out ofall we have. Let's change the conversation, together.
Location: Canada
I support depression army because awareness is the key. No one is alone in this battle.
Location: United States
I would like to help eliminate the stigma related to mental health. Also I would like to tell people that are battling mental health issues that they are not alone. We can help each other just by communicating.
I also support Depression Army because I am proud! We are not like everyone else! We are unique !
Location: United States
I support the depression army because I, as many others, suffer from depression and anxiety. Joining the depression army will remind me I am not alone when I reach one of those low points (and believe me, I do this often). The best medicine, I believe does not come in pill form, but in the form of a community, good company, and understanding. I strive to spread awareness of this extremely overlooked epidemic. No one should suffer silently.
Location: United States
I support Depression Army because no one deserves to suffer in silence.
Country: United States
I support depression army because I have had depression for going on 5 years without really knowing what was wrong with me. I was always sad and I didn't know why. It wasn't until sophomore year in highschool when I got diagnosed with major depression and anxiety due to my second suicide attempt. I feel like depression army gives hope to other people and helps them see that there is a light at the end of a tunnel no matter how bad they get, and they know that they aren't alone because there is an "army" behind them. I was at the lowest of lows, and I now see that light, and I couldn't be happier.
Country: United States
I support Depression Army because I suffer from depression.