Alexa Anderson

Location: United States

The Morning of December 22, 2014: this was a day of chaos, clarity & and answer to what seemed like an impossible riddle. I woke up that morning like any other; looking in the mirror with smeared mascara under my eyes, walking down the stairs I’ve known for 15 years, answer my moms questions with a smart-ass rhetoric. Thats my morning. But this morning was different as I had been recovering from a Tonsillectomy & Adenoidectomy. I woke up and completely lost all strength and self imploded. I felt hopeless, fatigued, empty & lost.

The Afternoon of December 22, 2014: After my temporary overwhelming, I got dressed & was procrastinating my therapy appointment. On my way out the door, I got what seemed like an life ending email. I had been academically suspended & could not return for the spring semester. I was over-whelmed. How would my mom react? What will I do? Am I a failure? What is wrong with me? These were all questions that flooded my mind, but in complete honesty these questions had lingered in my mind before. But through all this chaos, I had one outlet… my afternoon therapy session.

So therapy, folks: The session was emotional to say the least, but also a moment of clarity and surprising news. I was not prepared for the answer my therapist was about to give me. The answer? I was Clinically Depressed with an Adjustment to Change Disorder which was accompanied by my General Anxiety Disorder (which i got diagnosed with when I was 15). No not tumblr depressed, not Hollywood movie depressed & not standing outside in the rain depressed. I was depressed, in my own way & in my own form. This diagnosis completed shocked me but also seemed expected. I had been isolating myself for years, loosing more & more interest in activities, & my GPA dropping lower & lower as my academics furthered. This fog that had surrounded me for so long seemed to just clear away but only for a moment. As I was soon to learn that the diagnosis is the easiest part, living WITH clinical depression is much harder. Each day is a battle and everyday I choose to wake up is another battle conquered.